8. The Blessing of Sacred Fatherhood

​As we enter this month, where Father’s Day is celebrated, I stop to recall the many blessings that I’ve experienced as a father and as a grandfather; and I feel so fortunate. The making of silly faces, the singing of made-up songs, the comforting someone’s coco (hurt), the coaching of soccer and basketball games, the trying your daughter’s cheerleading moves, and sometimes just watching them sleep. Now I also feel joy by seeing our children raise their own children with such love and patience. I also know that there were so many times throughout the years that the blessings of fatherhood came my way, but I was too busy, too stressed, too scattered or trying too hard to do the “right” thing, to even enjoy those times. Like many of us, I wasn’t always in a place where I could enjoy the sacredness of Fatherhood. And to be honest, if I’m not intentional, I can fall right back into those hurried, habitual patterns. What I’ve found is that there are 4 elements that have helped me along the way that I’d like to share with you all. 

• Show Up – The first thing is to just show up. But in that Show Up, Be Present. Allow yourself to be engaged. This may mean turning off your phone or TV, or putting down the booze, or whatever else is distracting you. You doing this really shows your children that you are very interested and available for them, and that they are important to you. It builds TRUST.
  
  
• Pay Attention - All our children are different. They have different needs and have different ways of sharing, playing, and interacting. Allowing yourself to be fully present and paying attention will allow you to continue learning who your child is, how they go about life, and what they need from you. Remember, they are their own person and are NOT supposed to be a clone or you or their mom. This also means that you have do your own work to prepare yourself to be fully present, and accept them as they are. This helps builds a sense of DIGNITY within them.
  
  
• Lead with LOVE - The most important thing for our children to know is that they are LOVED unconditionally for who they are, in the good times and in the challenging ones. Love includes patience, compassion, truthfulness, laughter, forgiveness, joy and commitment. It also means healing your own wounds and dealing with your own health and trauma, so it doesn’t get passed on to them. And it means telling them and showing them, as much as possible, that you LOVE them.
  
  
• Surrender - Last is the acknowledgement that we are all learning together, so Dad doesn’t always know the right answer or do the right thing. It’s recognizing that fatherhood is surrendering to the journey of knowns and unknowns, joys and struggles and co-creating in your relationships the values of faith, trust, hope and perseverance. This should include traditions of gratitude, blessings, generosity and care for others. It also includes the reinforcement of knowing that in tough times, you will be there with them. But with all this, don’t forget to have fun. Sometimes, the solution is just to laugh about it. This builds RESPECT for themselves, others and life with all its complexities.

 
So to all the fathers, grandfathers, tíos and father figures, many blessings to you. And thank you for doing your work and bringing joy to all those whose lives you’ve touched.

P.S. Check out the Father's Love workbook on SueñosPublicationsLLC.com. And keep an eye out for my new book, Tata and the Mouse Family, coming soon.